Turning Down The Volume

Today I’ve felt so stuck. 

Maybe you do, too. 

I feel like since Shabbat ended, between the siren that rang out through Jerusalem and other parts of the country on Fri night, the horrible news that came in from Gaza, the soldiers and hostages whose deaths have been “cleared for publication…”

It’s just too much. 

I felt this heavy blanket of depression settle on me this morning. 

And since then I’ve felt frozen.

I’ve sat down to write today many times, each time not feeling like I was able to access what I wanted to say. Or anything worth saying. 

Sometimes silence is just the response. 

But when the dialogue is internal, there is often an undercurrent of words, ideas, thoughts, or feelings. We are talking to ourselves all day long even when our mouths are shut. 

I was talking to Rachel Hercman, LCSW, earlier today about this sense of stuckness and she said something that really helped me, so I’m going to share it with you. 

“Ask the stuck part if it’s OK to lower the volume.”

That part of me that was feeling stuck, is taking up a lot of space. It’s playing on a very loud channel. But the reality is that many parts of me are existing all at the same time. 

There is the part of me that feels brave. I’m doing hard things and I’m surviving. 

The part that feels afraid. I don’t want to live in hypervigilance again. 

The part of me that feels connected; to my people, to my homeland, to my faith.

The part of me that feels unsafe; I can feel it seething underneath my skin. 

I could go on and on. 

I’m finding it helpful right now to remember that though the louder emotions I feel, and parts I’m inhabiting may be heavy and dark- - there are other feeling states and beliefs that I can access that are right there beneath the surface waiting for me to access them. 

I can remind myself by saying things like:

I can find a sense of safety in my body even when things are chaotic in my world. 

I see you fear, and I validate why you’re here. You play a part in keeping me safe. 

I can feel big heavy feelings, and also access a sense of hope or faith or love for the ideas, places, people, or things I’m connected with in my life. 

I can be patient. Breathe through this moment. Be present for all my feelings. Acknowledge them and hold space for what is right now and also that things will be different in the future. 

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So here is a thought prompt for today.

Think about the feeling that is encompassing your day.

Enter a dialogue with it (in your mind, on paper, or even with a trusted friend or loved one). 

Ask it: 

Why are you here? 

What are you coming to teach me about what I’m experiencing at the moment? 

Who else is there with you (what other feelings)?

Can I be compassionate to all the feelings that are living within me?

What are these parts or feeling states telling me about what I need right now to be OK?