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I took a break from Instagram and TikTok shortly after the war began.
I was so oversaturated with the reality of what was happening in my world; the news, my brothers being called up to war, running back and forth from rockets and sirens. I couldn’t deal with the propaganda and footage that Hamas and Pro-Hamas activists were putting out that was flooding my feeds.
It's been several months and I finally decided to tip my toe back into the space to see what had transpired since I left, and honestly, I was shocked by so much of what I saw when I came back.
And almost as importantly, what I didn’t see.
I went back to look at my favorite influencers, poets, writers, therapists, and thought leaders.
People with whom in the past I had so many shared experiences, values, ideas, and hopes for the world.
And now I go to their feeds and I see that they are filled with antizionist-pro-hamas vile garbage.
And I’m shocked.
I mean let’s be honest, I’m not really surprised. I’ve already seen so much from people who are “River to the Sea-ing” and “Intifada-ing” and “Cease-firing” in the news and in the streets that I know that this phenomenon is in full swing.
But for that initial moment when I’m scrolling, my breath leaves my lungs and I feel that sucker punch all over again.
Et tu, Brute?
And for the others, Jewish or gentile, who say nothing.
I scroll back on their pages and see their earnest #Metoo posts, their allyship with everyone else, and their fierce railing against the Russian/Ukrainian war- and when it comes to our hostages, our fight against a terrorist regime, our stories of rape and murder, and every horrible thing you can imagine…
Silence. Or justification.
As if the killing, pillaging, raping, and murder of Jews is beneath their notice or fitting justice for the crime of existence.
Every time I see (or don’t see) this stuff, I feel myself crawling back deeper and deeper into my Jewish enclave.
I want to pull back into a former shtetl existence and hide among my people who are experiencing the same gut-wrenching reality as I am.
Except this time, I'm sheltered by the brave men and women of the IDF who protect our people from the literal monsters who are clawing at the closet hungry to get at us.
I recently saw that I had an old neighbor who was reading my posts and selectively liking them- anything that wasn’t about the war. I went to his page and saw that he was full-on “River to the Sea-ing” with a Palestinian Flag as his profile picture and I sat there wondering: We lived next to you for decades. He knows we live here in Israel. We shared many lifecycle moments together over the years.
He is busy spending his time on Facebook advocating for us to be pushed into the sea.
I really shouldn’t be surprised.
It doesn’t make the betrayal sting less.
Almost every friend I’ve spoken to lately has brought up someone from their personal life, politics, or public life who they feel has abandoned them. Denied them. Betrayed them during this war.
Erased them.
And usually, the next thing they say is, “I’m done with them.”
That there’s no coming back from this betrayal.
We thought we knew them, but this moment has made it clear that we never really did.
We were never really aligned.
How can you compromise with people who call for your destruction? (Moral of the story of this war, no?)
We can’t unknow the things we know about them now.
Just like a regular breakup, we’ve got a lot of complicated feelings we need to process.
There are still all the moments we shared- where we were inspired, aligned, educated, entertained, or moved. Maybe we loved them, admired them, and respected their friendship, work, talent, ideas, or art.
These moments may still feel powerful for us, and we need to make new meaning of them in context.
We may feel grief over the betrayal, feelings of abandonment, rage, hurt, or fear of what it means about our standing in the greater world.
We may feel unseen, unheard, ignored; and that might unearth a host of unpleasant feelings too.
Take a minute to reflect- discuss with someone you trust, or take a pen to paper, and write out who has let you down.
What you shared with them.
What they contributed to your life.
What you lost when they hurt you, denied you, or abandoned you.
And what it will be like to let them go.
Be kind and loving to yourself as you hold space for this painful experience.
Know that you are not alone.
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